Merry Christmas! / Christina Hanselman (sister)
I can't believe this is the 3rd year that I am wishing you a Merry Christmas on this stupid computer!! It seems like yesterday that we were all opening presents and going to eat at IHOP! Since you left, the holiday season has taken on a new meaning. It never was about the gifts and food for me, but now I know to savor every moment with our family, because who knows what the future holds!! I miss you every second but could feel you with us yesterday! Keep watch over mom and dad today as well! I guess you know by now, but daniel and I are going to be welcoming a new baby next year. I believe my due date is August 20. This will make you an uncle twice now...I'm pretty nervous and scared but I'm trying to keep everything light and joyful...all I can do is trust in the One who is the creator of everything good and right. You're sitting with Him now and having the biggest Christmas celebration, I'm sure. I hope He makes as good of a ham as mom does...she still makes one even though you're really the only one who ate it! Well, we're heading to the in-laws shortly! I just wanted you and the world to know that I'm thinking of you as always and I wish you were here! I love you very much...Merry Christmas brother! Close
Just me / Momma
Hey Sweetie, Just wanted to stop by and say hi. It's a week before Christmas and I sure do miss you. I am trying to get everything ready for next week. All the presents are wrapped (well most of them) and the stockings are hung. I keep seeing so many things to buy you for Christmas. It's hard not to get them for you. I have bought a couple of things and then donated them. Did I tell you daddy had surgery? He did...he had 3 surgeries on the same arm. He is doing okay, he'll be out of wk for couple of wks. Aaron is leaving the 4th of Jan for basic. It is still hard to believe he is going out on his own...He is doing alot better. I am so proud of how well he is doing. Your leaving was real hard on him. Justin just finished basic. Toni is moving back to Ga and getting married. She is doing great and he seems like a good guy. Beth is getting married to Tommy. And Jeff and Morgan are having another baby. Oh yeah...Northside won the state championship game last night. Aaron said it was great game. I don't know the score but the last time I checked it wasn't even close. I know you would have enjoyed being there. I hope you were able to watch from heaven...I think that is all the new news. Things are always changing... I hope to see some of the gang over the next wk. If I find out anything else I will let you know. It seems funny not asking how you are... I know but it's a mom thing. Every night I ask God to take care of you and to tell you hi and I love you. It still seems like you are going to walk in the door any min. I guess it always will. Well Stephen I need to go for now. Just want you to know you are ALWAYS in my thoughts. I love you son. And I miss you. Talk to you soon.
just wanted to say... / Christina Hanselman (sister)
that I think of you every day...I miss you every moment...and I notice your absense everywhere! I've grown so much because of you...I love so much because you loved...and I laugh so much because you found humor in life. I cry because I miss you...I cry because I hurt...and I cry because you're not here to fix it. I go on because I want to make you proud...I stand tall because I am your sister...and I worship because you're in Heaven.
You are everything that's good in this world and maybe one day people will see. You were the best big brother I could ask for. If I had it to do over again, I'd still take the 21 years that you were here knowing that you'd leave instead of taking another brother that could be here my entire lifetime. You loved me enough in those years that I know it will sustain me forever!
You'll be missed for years...I'll always wish you could be here for my life...you are still such a huge part of it! Close
Hey Sweetie, Just wanted to let you know that Daddy and I put up your christmas tree out at the cemetery. We did have a little help from Bailey. She likes helping me work out there. Stephen she is so cute, first she waves at you and then when it's time to leave she has to kiss your picture bye. I left some room on the tree in case any of your friends wanted to add the own ornaments to it. I hope you like it. It looks like the one we have here at home. You know me gotta be country and gotta match...oh well ya'll love me anyways. Sweetie I wish you were here to celebrate with us...but I know the celebration there has be the greatest you have ever seen. I want you to know we think about you all the time. Well better go for now...oh don't forget today is Aaron's B'day. Can you believe he is 17. He has an appointment with the recruiter at 3:00. Please help keep him safe for me. He has grown up a lot since you left. I love you Stephen and....you know. Talk to you soon.
It's Thanksgiving wkend and I am fixin to start my cooking. I keep thinking about how much you loved the holidays. And how much I need you home and how that's not ever going to happen again and I just don't know what to do about it or how to handle it sometimes. I try so hard to put on this damn smiley face and I just don't know if I have the strength to do it everyday for the next how ever many yrs. But I also don't have any other choice. You know how I don't like not having a choice in things. I still can't seem to believe that you are never coming home. Holidays are the worse, I guess cause just about everybody's kids get to come home for at least some of the holidays. Even if for only a day or two. So this is when it is "in MY face" that you won't be coming back this year or next year. So loud and clear...I almost can't hear anything else. I am trying to still see all that I have and all that I am thankfull for. It's not that...I just miss you and it is so unfair that I can't have ALL my kids home!!!!!! I always knew how great it was to have ya'll here and never took it for granted like so many other people do and I just need you. Help me Stephen...
My angel in the sky, who comes to me in dreams at night. You left me without a single word, but when I close my eyes, your voice is heard. Telling me you'll be alright, that you're not scared that you're in the light.
And now when I need you near, I close my eyes and you appear. You're my angel in the sky, who comes to me in dreams at night. To let me know you're alright, You're with God you're in the light.
hey/ Christina Hanselman (sister)
just wanted to stop in real quick and say hello! i missed you at Bailey's birthday party...you would've had a great time...I wish you could play with her just once!!! It's hard Christmas shopping and leaving you off the list...so many things I wish I could've given to you! I love you and just wanted you to know... Close
Keeping ya up to speed / Momma
Dear Stephen, 11-7-06
Hey sweetie, just thought I would say hello and tell you about some things that have changed since you left. Have I told you about my kitchen? I painted it red. I like it a lot. Aaron's old room is now Bailey's room. So it is done for a little girl in green and yellow with some pink and purple. I also redid my bathroom..it's also pink and green. We put new siding on the house, now it is white with black shutters and the front door is red. We also painted the hall. I am fixin to redo my kitchen floor and repaint the living room. They put a new fountain in out there where you are. It looks better but now they have to change the benches to match. You know how I am about things matching... It seems like I am always changing something around here. I have to stay as busy as possible. It makes it easier to get through the days without you. Bailey keeps me pretty busy. She went through so much Stephen to come here early. I know it was to help me get through losing you. I know this because I don't know how I would have done it without her. She was so sick and Christina needed me so much that I had to stay focused on helping them and not my own pain. I do want you to know I miss you every second of everyday. Everyone here is doing okay. Dad is having some trouble with his shoulder and may have to have surgery again...nothing too serious so don't worry. We found out Aaron may be leaving before Christmas, I hope not...I'll let ya know. Justin is doing very well in the Army. He really likes it alot!! Well got to go for now just felt like talking to you. I love you Stephen. Talk to ya soon.
Just added this song for you...always makes me think of you esp. when you were little. All I have to do is close my eyes and I can still see you on the ball field. I love and miss you Stephen and wish I could watch you play just one more time....one of many things I wish for just one more time. Hope you are having a great time playing one what I imagine to be the best ball fields ever...
Hey Sweetie, Just thinking about you and wanted to say hi. Today is Halloween. We will be going trick or treating with Bailey. And Aaron is going to do one of your favs..he is going to give out the candy wearing a mask to scare the kids. I remember how much you always liked doing that. Must be a guy thing. I can't believe that Bailey will be 2 tomorrow. We are having her B'day party here at our house. I sure wish you could be here. Stephen things are about the same and still so different than when you were here. It's hard to explain. I think of you all the time. Your face is the first and last thing I see everyday. I saw Bob yesterday. And Nate came over to help close the pool. I also talked to Jeff. They are doing fine. I saw a lot of your friends at Richards funeral. Some I have not seen since yours. They have all grown up and changed but I still see the little boys you played ball with in their faces. I wonder how your face would have changed by now?? I bet more manly. That's what I noticed the most about theirs. That and they all seem so grown up. And after yours, JJ and now Richard's funerals they all seem so sad. Life can be so hard. Aaron is going back to the HOSPICE camp this wkend. This time as a counselor. He really enjoyed it and got a lot of help from it last yr. He will be leaving sometime after the first of the yr. He will be going into the marines. Can you believe that?? Looking at the pic of the 2 of you just before you left really shows how much he has changed. Almost all grown up. He is alot bigger than you were...sorry but you knew he would be. Stephen I hate having to come here to talk to you but I don't know what else to do... I visit you all the time at the cemetary and talk to you constantly. Aaron asked me the other if you ever talked back...I wish you could. Never thought I would say that. I even miss the fights that we had while you were growning up. Maybe not all of them. You could be a pain.Don't worry I have not made you a saint...YET!!! Well sweetie I need to clean house. Just wanted to say hi and tell you I love you. Have a great day and watch over us all.
Richard's Funeral / Momma
Hey sweetie, Just wanted to let you know I am going to Richard's funeral this morning. I hope by now you and JJ have made him feel welcomed up there. Send extra love to his family...they are gonna need it. Sure wish we never had to say good bye to those we love. Have fun.
hey/ Christina Hanselman (sister)
I'm sure you met Richard with a smile and a goofy slap on the back this morning. Two buddies reunited...Send alittle extra love to his family as they begin this terrible journey of life without him. We understand their grief all too well!
2 yrs and 1 month ago you left us, no warning, no goodbyes. Just that dreaded knock at the door in the night. All your Daddy had to say was "it's Stephen" and I knew. I knew life would never be the same. I knew you were gone. I prayed and begged God not to let it be true, but I knew it was. I still don't say the words out loud. I don't know if I ever will. I don't think I can. I wish so much that I had been with you, to hold you, to comfort you, to not let you leave alone. But alone is how you went. I know that God reached out and was with you and I don't for one minute think I could offer you more that He. It's just I am your momma, and we think we should be there for every step our children take. I have always felt I let you down in some way because I wasn't there. I am sorry for that. I am also sorry Stephen if I let you down the first few days after. I know we did not do enough or say enough or make it special enough to let the world know that YOU had left it. To most of the world you were just an everyday person. The world does not stop to pay respects to everyday people. I should have SCREAMED from the top of my voice "he was not just an everyday person he was STEPHEN RICE". I hope you know that you were so much more than an everyday person. You were smart,funny,cute, talented,a pain in the neck and so many other things. With so much promise for the future. I don't know if we said all of that. I don't know if we said nearly enough about you to the world. I don't know if it really knows what it lost. I do... I lost my son. Please know that I will think of and miss you every second of every day for as long as I live. I will love you Stephen forever and always. Because of that love I will do my best to continue on. I will honor your memory in many ways. First and formost by trying to be the best mother I can to your sister and brother. I will be there for your daddy who misses you as only a father can. And I will make sure your neices and nephews know you and love you. I will make sure the world never forgets. As I will never forget, not one single memory not for one single second. My son, Stephen James Rice...you mattered so much more than you ever knew. Thank you. I love you and I miss you with all of my heart.
When a brother or a Sister loses a sibling this is what they are said to feel. A loss of Identity.
When someone has been a part of your life
since birth, your identity is based on
having them there.
They form a part of the
field or background from which you live
your life, and as such, they are
essential. They make up part of the
unbroken wholeness that defines who you
are. This relates to the concept of birth
order.
When the first child is born, he or she
develops certain characteristics and
talents. Other siblings will most likely
choose other characteristics to develop in
order to differentiate themselves from
each other.
The first child may become a
star athlete, while the next sibling excels
in academics. The siblings support each
other by their differences.
In doing so, siblings actually loan each
other their strengths, and when one of the
siblings dies, that strength is lost, and
the survivor's identity with it. It takes
time to learn how to live your life again.
You have to grow within yourself the parts
once carried by your brother or sister.
You don't "get" over this as much as "grow through" it.
The loss of a future with your sibling
Not only have you lost the actual person
and your relationship with them, but you
have lost the part they would have played
in your future. You go on to marry, have
children, buy a house, succeed or fail, and
each event underlines the terrible reality
that your brother or sister is not there.
Forever after, all events, no matter how
wonderful, have a bittersweet flavour.
***I'll wish until the day I meet you again that you could be here to experience all of life's greatest joys!! you've never be able to see me doing what I know I was called to do. Bailey will never get to play with her uncle Stephen and you will never give me nieces or nephews...my heart hurts for all that you've missed! i know you're happy where you are...my heart is still sad at your absense! i love you...i have from the day i was born and will until the day i die...you're my one and only big brother...
Just stopping by to check on ya. We have all been down at Grandma's house. It's the first time we have all gone on vacation since you left. We took Bailey to Disney. She loves it as much as ya'll did. You would not believe how big she has gotten. We had a good time. Aaron's girlfriend came with us also. I am staying for an extra wk to help grandma out. We sure did miss having you with us. Daddy and I were talking about you alot. Your brother sure reminds us a lot of you. You would be proud of both your brother and your sister. Grandma was telling how me much she misses you. We all do baby. I know heaven is better than Disney and I would not ask you to leave but I sure do wish you were home with us. I am trying so hard Stephen to see the good that I still have. I have so many wonderful memories of you and I know you will always be a part of my life and I know I will see you again son, but it is so hard some days. But I have to be here for the other kids and daddy. Send me strength when it gets too hard sweetie. I got an e-mail from Toni the other day, she is engaged to be married. I know you would be happy for her...after you had something smart to say about it (haha). She really misses you alot. Everybody does. Well baby I need to go. I hope you are having a great time. I love and miss you so much.
2 years / Toni
Stephen It's been two years and I'm not sure if it seems like more or less than that since you left. I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you today and I'm thinking of your family and friends. I love you and miss you more than you know. Close
Thinking of Stephen today / Jessica Laster (Friend of Christina's )
Just thinking of Stephen today...I know times have been tough. Christina is a very close friend of mine and when I hear her speak of her brother I can feel the love and difference he made in each of your lives. I send my love to the Rice family. Close
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