Hey Sweetie, Just got home yesterday from your G-ma's. She is doing good, misses you a lot. Really misses you calling her to ask about bringing your friends down. That meant so much to her Stephen. Like the night Christina got married and you went in your new Explorer to pick your G-ma Eisman and then didn't mind leaving in the middle of the party to take her home...she still talks about that. It's funny the little things mean so much. Christina and her family went down with us. We had a great time, Bailey and Carter reminded your daddy and I of all the times we took ya'll. It is so hard to imagine that you first went there when you were 3 wks old. Of course like you and the other kids, Bailey and Carter got their first taste of ice cream at the village. You know your daddy...and his ice cream!!! Aaron could not go this trip, he is in Cal. doing his dessert training. These trips always bring back so many memories...from stopping at rest areas for lunch, you 3 kids and 100 lb shepard in the back seat to...he's touching me, are we there yet, don't make me stop this car and of course my all time favorite...do you want me to turn this car around and go home?? The list goes on and on. Have yet to make it without crying at least a couple of times...but I do try. I just miss ALL you kids being little. I cannot tell you how much every trip meant to us...esp. that last one in 2002. Did I tell you we bought one of those name plates they sold at Epcot?? We did that after you left..but don't worry your name is right there with the rest of ours. Stephen I miss you so much...I know you get tired of hearing that and I wish I could think of a way to say it differently but there is just no other way...I miss you!!!!! The good, the bad...the ugly. I have started having more dreams about you...thank God. I don't know why it took so long and so far you are always a little boy, guess I am not ready to dream of the you that left me. Soon I hope...I would love to see that face. I think we are all doing pretty good. We have Bailey and Carter to keep us busy and smiling. We have Christina and Daniel to look after. We have Aaron to worry about and pray for and of course his girlfriend to keep company...lol...guess what I am trying to say is we are trying. Not an hour goes by that I don't think of you, or remember something about you. We say your name daily. You won't believe this they have brought back the American Gladitors show you loved so much. Do you remember when you and daddy went to see it in Macon? We watch it every week, picking out which things you would have been the best at. Oh yeah...your daddy bought me a new game system that plays the old nintendo and super nintendo games. So we are back to playing super mario brothers and donky kong!!!! I love it. That really reminds me of you!!! Well baby I better go..just wanted you to know we are back home and I will be out to see you tomorrow. I love you so very much Stephen.... All My Love, Momma
Hey Stephen, First don't be mad...My computer was broken so I could not get on to say hi at Christmas, but you know I was thinking about and talking to you daily. I did get Christina to light your candle for your daddy and myself. I know I am also late ringing in the new year with you. This is one of the hardest things I do...saying goodbye to one year and hello to another knowing you didn't see the last one and won't see this one. I think about you so many times a day Stephen. I have missed you every second of every day that you have not seen and I know I will continue doing this for the rest of my life. And the new year brings that into clear focus for me. NOT that I need anything to bring it into focus. Okay enough of that!!! First Aaron came home for the holidays. He has a sweet girlfriend named Melanie, they have been dating for a little over 2 yrs now. She spent the holiday with us. It still looks like he won't be here next year. He left today for Ca. for desert training. It will be harder on all of us with both of you missing from the table and around the tree. Christina's children are such a blessing. Stephen I don't think you could begin to imagine how much in love with them you would be!!!! Just ask Aaron...they can do NO wrong in his eyes. Bailey with that sweet smile and the way she loves with her whole heart. She loves you so much...she knows you are real and that she will see you one day. For now she is content to go out to the cemetery, take you flowers and just love you. She always has to bend down and hug and kiss your picture and say I love you. She usually tells you to be good and that she will be back soon. And Carter, he looks so much like you boys. I see so much of each of you in his little face. From you he gets the way his whole face lights up when he smiles. I was hoping for big brown eyes..but have to admit I love his big blue ones!! There are so many times when I am playing with him that he takes me back to the times I played with you at this age. And like the rest of the family you would wonder how in the world did he get Aaron's EARS!! Of all things for your brother to pass down...its kinda like Carter having your feet. Right now they are still cute...but we all know what happens later!!! I talked to Nate the other day, he was upset and was sitting out there with you and called. Keep an eye on him and help him through whatever he is having problems with. Sounded like he needed you to give him a quick kick to straighten up. Can you believe Toni is getting married in less than a month?? She will always be special to me. Daddy and I are doing fine, taking good care of each other like we always do. Well sweetie I better go for now. Just reminding you I love you so much. Merry Christmas..Happy New Year!!
Oh Yeah / Toni (friend)
I also have a candle for you. It will burn all day Christmas Day at my house. Just a little something to let you know me and my family are thinking of you and yours.
Merry Christmas / Toni Harvey (friend)
Merry Christmas, Stephen. I won't be able to write long, I have a house full, but I finally got a minute of quiet time to come tell you Merry Christmas. I had a dream about you the other night. I was walking down the aisle at my wedding and I look to my left and see you there, standing in the corner, smiling, with what looked like approval. hahaha. It was great to see your face. I know you are with your family this Christmas. Know that I'm thinking about them. You know I've always loved your family. I know Christmas in Heaven must be beautiful! I'm getting married soon. Almost just a month away. I hope to see your family there. I can't believe it's actually going to happen. I'm going to be a "wife". (sigh). You've always been the one to tell me "he's not right for you", "you deserve better", "don't settle." I hope you approve of this one. He's a great guy. And he listens when I talk about you. He knows alot about you. He says he wished he could have gotten to know you better. Everytime we drive by the cemetary and I stare out the window, he doesn't even ask me, he just pulls in and lets me visit for a minute. I think you would've like him. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I haven't forgotten about you, nor will I ever. Merry Christmas, Stephen. Love you. Toni Close
Merry Christmas! / Christina Hanselman (sister)
Just wanted to stop in and let you know how much everyone misses you! Mom's computer isn't working and I know it's so hard on her not be able to write to you on here. We all got together at my house tonight and it was fun. I just got bailey in the bed and am fixing to do her santa stuff. i can remember so many times trying to go to sleep but being so excited that I couldn't. and of course, I can't think of a Christmas morning without thinking about you. I miss you still every single day. I want so badly for you to be proud of me and of what I'm trying to accomplish here. I want my kids to know you...and love you...I wish you could just see them now. I've never seen Christmas look more beautiful than the sparkle in bailey's eyes tonight. I miss you and love you and am confident Christmas is even more radiant from where you are. I love you stephen...give momma and daddy strength tomorrow...to enjoy themselves and to remember and grieve for you. We will never, ever, ever forget you brother. You are everything. Close
just thinking about you. / Shane Street
hey buddy. it's shane, scott street's brother here. it's 5:30 in the morning, christmas eve, and i'm having a bit of a hard time because just last month i lost my best friend. it was an unexpected thing, nobody saw it coming, but it happened, and we just have to do what we can to move on. i was thinking alot about you and scott growing up playing baseball together, and how me and my friend, dj grew up playing music together. we'd known each other since elementary school, just like you and scott. you guys were both the crazy one's in the crowd, the one's that probably never backed down from a dare. you guys lived your lives to the fullest. i know you had a great time here, and i'm looking foward to seeing you again sometime in the future.
Merry Christmas / Christina Hanselman (sister)Read >>
Merry Christmas / Christina Hanselman (sister)
Hey you! thought this place needed alittle holiday cheer! it's so easy to focus on the pain and the horror of that night but sometimes I try to remember it as the night you reached out and was picked up by Jesus. He saves all. He saved you. When nobody else could...He saved you. I know the dreams that mom is talking about. I've had them since that night. I don't talk about them much...and sometimes it's not even you anymore that I'm trying to save. Last time, it was my own child. I can't even imagine. I feel, like momma, that I failed you. As a sister it was my role to tag along. To be the pesterer and the nagger and the one in everyone's business. I should have been there that night. I should have been able to tell you how silly and immature you were all being. But like mom, I'm left with memories that burn like hot coal...some burn for the pain that you left behind. And some burn with a passion to make sure you continue to live on. I'm not sure that the pain ever ends. If I can keep our family together through, even if it means forever hiding my own pain, it's all worth it to me. you'd expect that of me, I'm sure. Sometimes it's blinding pain and sometimes it is just an ache in my soul. It's constant uneasiness and now fear for my own children and their future...how much can one family endure. I miss you and love you and feel so close to your memory at times I can feel you. Until that time comes...I'll hold it together...I'd never let you down brother... Close
Christmas Tree / Momma
Hey Sweetie, Did I tell you about the special tree that Christina has stared for you?? I have that small tree that sits by the fireplace, do you remember it? Well this year your sister gave me a beautiful ornament with the poem "If tears could build a Stairway" so I have decided to start collecting those for you. Yes she complains that you get 2 trees and a whole wall for your pictures...I told her to take it up with you!!! Ha-Ha I hope you like it...just another way to have you home and a part of everything we do. I love you Stephen...and miss you so much!!!
Well Stephen it's about 2:30 in the morning. I woke up once again with the same dream. Calling out your name and crying when I realized you were gone and I still had not been able to save you. I always get so close, just never close enough!!! I texted your brother and of course he was calling in a matter of seconds. I am sure he knows why I am texting at 2AM but he never complains. He just listens and says"I love you Mom." Have I told you that he is coming home this wked? I can't wait to see the changes in him. He only gets 2 wks and then goes off to CA for the last training before he heads off to the Middle East. I still have a hard time thinking about that. But he says he is well trained and that things will be fine... He is so different than the boy you last saw. But as my daddy use to say "he is still wet behind the ears..." Your leaving was very hard on all of us...but in some ways came closest to destroying him. But he worked hard and now is a wonderful young man. He wants so much to please us and make us all so proud, he also wants to know that you and he would be more like friends and that you would be proud of him. Have I told you that he has 3 tatoos in your honor?? I have not seen them yet but I will let you know what I think in a few days. Well now that I have woke you both up I guess I will finish my coffee. I love you Stephen...maybe one day I will be able to save you and this awfull nightmare will finally be OVER...
From hopes and dreams to boxes and things / Momma Read >>
From hopes and dreams to boxes and things / Momma
My dear son, I am having the hardest time trying to understand how...you went from being one of my greatest hopes and dreams...to being my memories all packed up in boxes with things. Yes your pictures are still out. I see your face a hundred times a day. I pray daily to awaken from this nightmare...but never do. You held so much promise and hope for the future, now there is no hope just this gut wenching pain I can't fix and I am not suppose to talk about it or show it to the world. I have you clothes in the closets, your Air Force Uniforms are all pressed and waiting, your trophies on shelves and a large cold maker in the cemetery where I have left more tears and prayers than I can count. HOW... Stephen did this happen to you, to me, to our family???? I was not there the night they pulled you from the lake...others were called. Some even made it back from Atlanta and were there but not us...those that loved you most. And would have risked it all... no matter the cost to get to you, no we weren't called. We would not have cared about our new shoes or clothes or even our lives we would have gone in the split second you cried out...oh God why couldn't I have been there?? No one who was there thought it was important for us to be there. But I see it, I hear you calling out, I see them watching and waiting to long, I see the pulling you from the water. I see them putting you in a body bag. I see them zipping it closed, closed with MY son in it. I can't erase the pictures of it. You...my son who held so much hope and so many dreams...reduced to boxes and things. All I can say to you my son is I am so very sorry. I have tried to find ways to change it or trade places with you but don't know how. Seems we have failed you once again...and the best I can do is memories and boxes and things.
A Thought / Dad
Just a note. You know it's m birthday and I'm getting older. I'm sure you know how old, so I won't say. I've been lucky to have your mom. She gave me three great kids. She had alot to do with my two fantastic grandbabies. They make us smile and help make us feel good. Bailey was watching the Military channel with me and said that her uncle Aaron was in the Army. She remembers alot but she thought you were in the Army too. She just seems to understand when you tell her that you're in Heaven. She seems to think and know that is the right place for you like the Army is for Aaron. I still marvel at how strong your mom is. I envy her with the way she has come back from the car accident. She always sees stronger than I am. She has always made me whole. She is so great with the grandbabies. Aaron is on the way back t the base from spending the weekend at a friend's. We get worried with what he is doing but it seems right for him. He has done a great deal more in one respect than I have in all my years. He has grown in so many ways.
I really can't think of much more to say. I guess my mind is older too.
Hey Sweetie...Happy Thanksgiving!!! Today was our first year without any of you kids home..Christina and Daniel spent this one at his parents and Aaron could not get home. He only has the wkend off and it's just too far. He did get to spend it with one of his buddy's family in Tx. So at least he got a home cooked meal. They will both be home for Christmas. If only... You would not believe the changes around here Stephen. My car is full of car seats and the house and yard are littered with toys...Your niece and nephew are the cutest kids ever...of course she looks like your sister and he looks like you and Aaron. Poor Daniel not only do his kids not look like him, he was expecting to get brothers when he married your sister and not only did you leave but Aaron goes and joins the army. So he gets stuck having to help do ya'lls chores around here. So glad he's a good guy. We are doing pretty good. Of course we always think of you. But we are doing our best to keep positive. I was holding Carter the other day and was telling him to be good..then I said something about him having too much of you and Aaron in him to be to good and of course just at that moment he spit up all over me...then smiled about it. Yeah thought you would like that one. Daddy and I are going to put your tree up on Sunday. One of the guys your daddy works with has a son that has autism and needs a dog that has been trained to help keep him safe, so this year the money we would spend on you we are going to give him. I know this may sound kinda weird..but I hope you are having a great time in heaven. I don't want you to spend too much time watching over us, just enough to keep the other kids safe. I can't even imagine the wonder and beauty you see and I want you to see and enjoy it all. Well Stephen I better go for now. Just want you to know I love you and thought about today (like everyday).
Angels surround us no matter where you go Angels are around us don't you know Angels will be strong for you Angels will belong to you Angels will survive for you and protect you no matter what you do Angels will be there in time of need and angels will never leave as long as you believe.
Changes around here.. / Momma
Hey Stephen, Just thinking about you a lot...so what else is new...??? I wanted to let you know that we are redecorating your bedroom...we are giving it to the grandkids. It will have 2 twin beds in it one with a pink spread and one with a blue one. Both with penguins on them. It is from a movie called Surf's Up. I thought it was cute and would work for both Bailey and Carter. I really didn't think you would mind. Christina and I came up with some cute ideas for it. I talked to Aunt Lisa the other night, she was telling me about a little boy in her class that reminds her so much of you. Especially how tender your feelings were when you were little. He is in the 1st grade. You were so cute at that age. I could tell she was really missing you alot. I missed Toni's bridal shower several days ago. I just can't believe she is getting married. It sounds like she is going to have a beautiful wedding. I'll be sure and let you know. Crhistina has gone back to work part time and I am watching the kids.You would not believe the living room...by the end of the day it is littered with toys and there is a rocking horse that just stays all the time. But to tell you the truth I really dont mind. I don't know what I would do without those kids Stephen. They keep me busy and bring back so many memories of ya'll when you were small. I thank God for them and the memories every night!!! I thank God for so many things Stephen...He has blessed your daddy and I in so many ways. Well I just wanted to stop by and say hi and I love you. I hope you know how much I treasure every moment I had with you and how precious every memory is to me. I love you son.
Longing for one more day / Momma Hey Stephen, Just stopping by to tell you how much I am missing you today...I miss you everyday, but some days just seem worse and the day last longer!!!! I come here to read what has been written and I sit out at the cemetery. I just still try to figure out how it all went so terribly wrong. I can't seem to find a reason that suits me most days. I know you are safe with God and I know I will see you again, but I want and need you here with me NOW. I know to you that's unfair and that makes me feel bad...guess I just feel bad. I try to stay so busy Stephen and just not think about it. It's not that I don't think about you cause I do everyday... all day long. I just don't think about you not coming home. I often find myself tying to find the one moment in life where I could have done one little thing that would have changed it all. I can't tell you how many times I have wished even begged for one more day. Guess what I am saying is I love you son and I miss you so very much... Talk to you again soon.
I stumbled across this site a few weeks back and was moved by the love of your family and friends. To know that you volunteered to serve your country, also makes us brothers as I am a vet of the US Navy. Your loss is ours also. I pray for you and your family.
Hey Sweetie, Just wanted to tell you that Warner Robins American Little League are the world champs. It was a great game won at the very last second with a homerun to break the tie. You would have loved it!!!! And even though it wasn't National you would have been very proud of those 11-12 yr olds. They did a great job. The city sent a bunch of police cars up to Atlanta to escort them home then gave them a big parade. The whole town was celebrating for them. I wish you could have seen it. We are all doing well. Bailey and Carter are getting so big. Bailey was talking to you the other day in the car. She wants so bad for you to take her out to eat..not sure why but she seems to think you told her you would. Well just wanted to say hi. You know I love you bunches. Talk to you soon. All My Love Momma
apologies/ Toni Harvey (friend)
Hey Stephen. I'm sorry I did not come out to see you yesterday. I was at the hospital with my grandfather. We got some horrible news yesterday and I couldn't make it. I'm sorry. I will be out there soon. Love ya!! Close
Just Remembering / Daniel Hanselman (Bro-in-law)Read >>
Just Remembering / Daniel Hanselman (Bro-in-law)
Just thinking back 3 years ago today and how one event can truly change lives forever. It is amazing the love that your family and true friends have for you and how much you meant to them. How one person can truly effect so many people in a positive way. It is a difficult time for us. I hadn't known you as long as many but I can see in your family what you meant to many. It is difficult time of the year and it is difficult for me to know how to be there, especially for Christina. I try my hardest to know what to say but alot of times nothing comes out. I guess sometimes just being there is all that I can provide. Just wanted you to know that we are thinking about you and that you will never be forgotten.
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